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STIFF CELINE PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE!

BIBLE-BELTER KANYE IS PORN AGAIN! • Wants to launch X-rated film studio

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WORKING GIRL MELANIE IN HOUSEWIVES DUST-UP! • Fears H’wood star will outshine cast

LARSA’S NEW LOOK IS LOSER

NEWS FLASHES!

JOHNNY DUMPED COURTENEY AT COUPLES THERAPY!

TIGER SIGNS $100M GOLF LOYALTY OATH

KNOCKING HER BLOCK OFF! • Tinseltown turns on tacky J.Lo

SAD SACK MORGAN SCHEMES TO AVOID JAIL IN CHAIR-TOSS

WWE’S VINCE FIGHTS BACK! • Denies defecating on accuser’s head, calls her a liar!

DRUG FELONIES FOR DIDDY’S GO-FER AFTER JET RAID

IS TAYLOR BATTLING THE BOTTLE? • Fans decode cry for help in new lyrics

JEN’S DETERMINED TO SAVE BRITNEY! • Fears repeat of Perry tragedy

JUSTIN MOVES OUT TO SAVE MARRIAGE! • But time alone gives The Biebs the heebie-jeebies

HOLLYWOOD STRAIGHT SHUTER!

KILLER ZOMBIE DISEASE COMING FOR HUMANS! • Chronic wasting virus hops from infected deer

IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE! • New bug infesting Space Station is threat to humanity

CARNIE’S INK-CREDIBLE LIFE! • Singer’s tats are road map

CUOMO COMEBACK RATTLES CNN CAGES!

SHARON DANCES ON TALK’S GRAVE!

THE JOKE’S ON MEGHAN! • Diva duchess is Hollywood laughingstock after new flops

SIMPSON DID HIMSELF IN! • Dream Team lawyer Dershowitz dishes on deluded client

O.J.’S DEFIANT LAST DAYS

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CRISS CROSS

DIVER FIGHTS OFF GIGANTIC GATOR WITH SCREWDRIVER! • Life-or-death battle 50 feet below surface

HOME SWEET HOME! • Inside the iconic digs made famous on TV

CROSSWORD #20

DOUBLE DOSE OF HOPE FOR BREAST CANCER!

STUDY THROWS COLD WATER ON SODA POP

HOLLYWOOD HOOKUPS!

HOME ON THE RAGE! • Cowboy Kevin seethes as pal brands his ex

CROAKING BON JOVI’S FINAL CURTAIN CALL! • Trashes fat Elvis!

VAIN ROCK IS A GIRLY MAN!

YOUR HOROSCOPE • WHERE TO FIND MARIA Follow our astrologer, French Quarter Medium Maria Shaw, on Facebook. Visit mariashaw.com to sign up for her free newsletter, order your Lucky Money/Law of Abundance pouch, get your personal reading and more.

SPOT THE DIFFERENCES

TOP GUN TOM’S MUG IS MELTING!

TOM & BECKHAMS FORGIVE & FORGET

SOCCER STUD DAVID KICKS EX-PAL MARK! • Goes after Wahlberg over $11M bad deal

RED Carpet

DOMINOES

CELEBRITY SQUEEZE

SUDOKU

LIONEL & LUKE PUT UP DUKES! • Idol frenemies scramble to fill Katy’s corner

BOMB-SNIFFING BOWSER BOWS OUT! • TSA dog takes retirement after getting in his licks